People offer me help

People offer me help, but unfortunately I interpret this as a violation of my rights as a paranoid eccentric.

Saturday, 30 April 2011

Stained Carpet

I am aware of how much I will sound like a sulky teenager but I really couldnt give a stuff.

Im pissed off. Is being a massive let-down, a condition of being human, or am I just surrounded by shit people and even worse luck?

Monday - I was enslaved at work all day, and shouted at by some wretched woman, for not having an indepth knowledge of the exact measurements of maxi dresses and further information regarding where one can purchase maxi dresses for dwarves...I wanted to suggest the kids section, but I need my regular wage.

Tuesday - Spent the entire day, fighting with Student Finance...after several hours and a heated debate, I was assured my internet account would now work...I logged in...fantastic...I put down the phone...I entered my details and clicked next..."There is an error, please log out and try again".....damn you student finance.

Wednesday - Not one, but two separate appointments with aquaintances who had readily volunteered to help me make a video for my individual presentation....Not one but two aquaintances didnt arrive, havent made contact, still havent done either of the latter, and currently seem to be orbiting in a void of non-existance, despite living across the fucking street from me.

Thursday - Attempted to make said video by myself...Failed.

Friday - Returned to work a beautiful 12 hour shift.

Saturday - Worked a further 6 hours and then managed to spill nail varnish on week old new carpet...a week old new living room cream carpet that cost mummy and daddy more than  a weeks pocket money....

Carpet company = useless
Internet = more useless
Carpet Cleaning Company = Suggest a chemical cleaner I can purchase at B&Q........

With minutes to spare before closing time, I hurtled down to B&Q and was met by staff, who pointed me to the correct isle but where more than a little concerned about my need for it....Said staff contacted the chemical cleaner company....chemical cleaner company reveal their product will indeed remove the nail polish but will also melt my carpet and stain the surrounding area a fetching green and piss yellow...Several frantic but useless phone calls to friends and relatives revealed me and my stupidity were alone with the stained carpet.

Its now saturday night...I did have a date but thats not happening seeing as how Im now going to be spending my evening, laid on my stomach, scrubbing the floor with white spirit. Neither parentage are willing to exchange verbal conversation, all my contacts seem to have lost the ability to answer their phone and I've just answered a call and been abused for being an RSPCA Volunteer.

Did I mention I nearly hit a motorcyclist on the way back from B&Q? ...Im expecting Sunday to bring with it a police visit to discuss my dangerous driving, which will no doubt make me late for work, resulting in loss of said job, and no money, to buy the computer software I should have been supplied with free of charge several days ago.

I could go on for longer but Iv just realised how full our drinks cabinet is and I'm planning on changing that situation, in  the hope that It will bring with it a more soothing, drunker, fuzzier future. I actually hate the human race with every fibre of my being.

Thursday, 21 April 2011

Computers make me want to die.

I got up today with every intention of making some form of clip show for my individual presentation...I had a few errands to run first but I had it PLANNED.

Went to physio - got discharged from outpatient private consulatations and enrolled into some form of pensioner pilates class...apparently im the youngest there by about 50 years but beggars with a muscularskeletal disorder at the tender age of 19 cant be choosers...

I went onto the toxic hellhole that is the White Rose Shopping Centre; had a good old fashioned slagging match with the brain dead staff in River Island before victoriously returning their shitty goods and retiring to greggs to gorge myself on pasties.

All was going well, All tasks completed I set about starting my presentation...Immediately the computer had some form of seizure when I asked it to try and open both Spotify and windows movie maker at the same time...ten minutes and several restarts later, I managed to open windows movie maker, resigned to the fact that I'd have to work in silence...

Good hour and a half later and I'm sorry but I'm going to retreat to the pub to drown my fury..."Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned?"....Hell hath no fucking fury like a woman whos video clips cannot, will not, all out refuse to open with anything other than windows media player...thats fantastic, I can see the shitty clips I'v made off the camera, but can I stick them together into a coherent order? Can I attach the backing music I'v found and pain-stakingly written on post-it notes all over my room so I wouldnt forget? Can I even get the clips to show up, and prove their existance isnt just a figment of my imagination? CAN I BOLLOCKS.

At this moment In time I hate computer programming more than life itself...and for the record I'v gone to the lengths of kidnapping someones laptop to write this rant just so I dont have to return to that...thing...Im furious. I'm in the right frame of mind to do some work, I set aside an entire afternoon to get started on this as I expected problems from my lack of video editing no how, I even called up a friend of mine thats doing a degree in film-making to check he would be home so I could show him my attempts and get any hints and tips off him...but to not even be able to get the damned things to open has me on the verge of a tantrum.

I have no choice but to go and stew in the pub until a more reasonable frame of mind returns to me.

Tuesday, 12 April 2011

"Depravity is a fun word"

James Jean

"People tend to think of imagination as some kind of magical thinking, but its really just the ability to make connections between ideas.

I'm not a massive fan of all of James Jeans works, in fact some of it I think im quite stuck to find things about it that I do like, however hes an artist that has re-invented himself over time and time again, and I think thats something that has a lot to be said for...although argueably it gives undertones of someone who is dissatisfied with themselves and their working style, or indeed who hasnt settled and found their own way of being yet...but maybe thats just me being pedantic, as what I want most right now, is to find my way of working and to stick to it...concepts and subject matter can change and develop with time and as my education develops...but within painting Iv found something that feels right for me...ANYWAY.

His 2008 and 2009 collections are those which I find myself most intregued by, I really like his use of materials and the way its applied, theres an interesting use of colour too which I could look at for a long time and gain insight from for my own pieces.

2009 - Consumption

Willow Horse 2008

Hare and Bindle 2008

Artist Spree

Suddenly discovered a whole fistfull of artists I want to inspect in further detail later on, notebook on hiatus, arms already covered in ink and other scribbles...Bugger it, they can live on here until I find somewhere more organised for them to live.

Alices Adventures in Wonderland - As illustrated by Camille Rose Garcia (I wonder If I can get a copy of this for Easter instead of a chocolate egg?)

Glenn Barr, Mari Inukai, Mark Ryden, Luke Chueh, Kate Macdowel, James Jean, Greg Simkins, Kathie Olivas & Brandt Peters

Fanny Tree.

Its getting to the gritty part of our collabortative part now...assessment isnt far away and we need to start making solid decisions about how our collaborative is going to conclude...we need to get sorted with a name...we need to write our manifesto, we need to get our publication ordered and sent off for...and thats not the half of what we have planned.

So the name prospects so far have been pretty gruesome...Amateur Taphonomy was floating about for a while, roughly translated to mean the study of decaying organisms and how they decompose and fossilise if they do...(courtesy of wikipedia)...Sounds a bit like a type-writer though so out the window with that idea...

Some rather crude and inappropriate but hilarious interpretations of some of our photographs, produced the next prospective name - Fanny Tree Inc...but maybe thats just a bit too silly and vulgar so we're going to translate it into latin instead...unfortunately "Fanny Nemus" doesnt quite have the air of sophistication that we were going for.

Something Richard said during one of our there was an air of femininity but without being has an interesting ring to it...

  Effeminatus vacuus res Effeminatus

Effeminatus Nemus

We might have to put a bit more consideration into this than we first thought.

Just two of the offending articles in amongst our vast array of also mostly useless images.