People offer me help

People offer me help, but unfortunately I interpret this as a violation of my rights as a paranoid eccentric.

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Ta-ta for now.

Final blog entry....I think this has been a bit of a tangential mess to be honest. Its been a lot of ranting, a lot of swearing, a lot of computer hatred and more drink than I thought I put away.

As blogs go it wasnt quite as horrendous as I thought it would be to write this, I have amused myself greatly but whether its exactly what the moderators will have in mind im not sure...

Review of my working practise? Swings and roundabouts really. Whats gone up has come down, whats been a downer has improved...I think my application of visual investigation project is something I can be proud of...I think my painting has improved, I think Iv become much more intuitive in general and I now understand the concept of "being playful" when making work...Iv also taken the plunge in being willing to try new things that interest me, rather than recoiling into what I know and Im "safe" with...Making my individual presentation as a short film was a big deal for me, and Im actually very proud of the result...I showed my family, something I never really do, and its been passed around most of the immediate relatives since...My grandad watched it, sat and thought for a minute...and then announced "If Damien Hirst got the Turner for that dead fish in a tank thing, I think you could get something with this easy!" N'yawwh.

My influence file, I worried I hadnt got it quite right, and then I realised its been there the whole time, just not in a coherent form for anyone other than me...I had sheets of artists, books in my head I know to look at, names squirrelled away in ridiculous places, all kinds of stuff, and whether Its what assessment is looking for or not, its what Iv used and whats helped me and thats what its meant to be about isnt it?

Drawing Enquiry...."Lookie Likie" started well, I found it really useful, I completely threw myself into being Jim Dine and I really enjoyed myself. I know its not about enjoying yourself, but what I mean is I felt peaceful and content working in his style, and I could actively see myself improving as the project progressed...Sadly I cant say the same for the drawing book. I hated it with a passion. I never really "got into" doing it, I wanted to, when we were first told about the book I was very excited and motivated to get going, and then just realising that my drawing technique has deteriorated not improved, set me on a downward spiral of self defeat and doom that I never managed to salvage myself from. At least I can recognise that I screwed up? Given the chance to do the project again, Im not sure what I'd do different...I think my concept was sound, its just my technical ability fails me.

 Thats a depressing note to end on.

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